This is not like me. Normally, I take pride in the stoicism I am able to display in the face of discomfort (oh, shush, all you people who know me). But, oh the humanity! I seriously haven't been in this much pain since bearing my first child (who was nearly ten pounds and came out with his fist clenched next to his face) without any anesthesia. Oh, there was that little teensy shot of some completely worthless liquid the nurse added to my IV "just to take the edge off," since it was by then too late for me to get an epidural. (I just about took the edge off her when she said that, let me tell you.) But I pretty much birthed the boy sober, intent on the whole "natural childbirth" idea. It's a lovely thought - really, it is. Still, when the pregnancy test came back positive the next time around I called my OB and had her write "EPIDURAL REQUIRED" on the top, bottom and both sides of my chart. In capital letters, red ink and much underlining. Also, exclamation points. And someday I may tell you about my not-so-secret desire to run away with the Anesthesiologist (aka Dr. Feelgood) the day my daughter was born.
ANYway. It probably didn't help my facial/sinus/ear/jaw situation that I went ahead and kept this morning's dentist appointment, which I scheduled weeks ago. But do you know how long you have to wait to get in with a good dentist in this town? So, I had a crown done. No biggee. Just, you know, about A SOLID HOUR of having my jaws cranked open so Dr. Death could hone his drilling skills. (Actually, he was extremely gentle, but that doesn't make for nearly as interesting a story now, does it?) Since the crown was being done on the non-painful side of my face, I've spent the last couple of days figuring it would all work out fine and that I should stop being such pansy and just cowgirl up. So, that's what I did.
Problem was, the pain was so intense by the time I left the dentist's office that I actually reverted to Lamaze breathing to get through it. Seriously, it was like labor pains in my face. Fortunately, I'd called my doc first thing this morning and made an appointment to see him after the crown was done. Which brings us to the face clutching and the apologetic sobbing.
"You should never apologize for being in pain!" he exhorted me. And he was so sweet about it that it made me cry that much harder. He checked out my ear and declared that, yup, it looked ooky in there. Then he sent me on my way with prescriptions for pain-relieving ear drops, antibiotics and Vicodin. Yup, Vicodin, aka "party in a bottle." I'm pretty sure the last time I took Vicodin was about fifteen years ago after having my wisdom teeth out. I felt so good so immediately on that stuff that I decided it would be a Really Great Idea! to get on my bike and go for a long, strenuous ride. Needless to say, the next morning I looked like something the cat dragged in, ate and then threw up on the carpet.
So, here's to hoping this thing clears up before I decide to go, I don't know, shoe a couple horses or chop a cord of wood.
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